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Investigative Reports
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Did Waco Have Tights?
by Tronis Patronicator
In the past forty years, many have wondered whether Waco had tights. Well, folks. We don't know. But we're investigators. Big ones. Maybe you need tights, pal. These days, many people need tights. BOuncy screen! Bouncy Screen says no! But did, as the government alleges, the Branch Davidians have tights? We at the Concept say: we don't know. But if there were such things as tights in these times, the lovebird certainly would have heard of them. So exactly who is the lovebird? A procrastinator? Maybe. But one thing's for sure. He ain't gettin' out of here with those tights. Maybe the birdhound was right. These tights were made for walking. But we digress. Here's a disturbing little fact. Tights have been made before. Maybe even in Waco. Did the tights make it to Waco? Who knows. But we can tell you this: those tights ain't gettin' out alive. Ever heard of the word "tights"? Its pretty scary. Even scarier is the possibility that tights could have been in Waco. Could there be such an ordeal? We don't know. But we do know this: those tights had no chance of survival. Even if there is such a thing as tights, how the hell could those tights have been smart enough to get into Waco? We don't know. All we know is this: those tights aren't touching that fetus anymore. And as the night gets sleepy on Waco, the tights all ask the same question: Sarah left the oven on.
FBI Agents Investigate Tights: FBI agents from some big building investigate the disappearance of tights from the burnt down Branch Davidian compound west of Waco, Texas. At press time, we couldn't find any tights. But we do know this: those tights would never hurt anyone.